Extreme Couponing
by JWood201
Summary: Mary Ann comes up with a unique Valentine's Day gift for her friend. This is not a story about crazy bargain hunting as the title suggests.


_Yes, I do occasionally watch "Extreme Couponing" on TLC. Sue me. The title is the only thing that this story has in common with that show._

_This story got away from me a little bit. (Don't they always?) I'm not sure how well this works, so in the end its purpose is just to be fluffy and cute and funny and entertaining._

_Cheesy MAG Warning! But I shouldn't have to tell you that by now._

_Shoutout to my partner in crime Teobi! She put up with me whining about this for almost two months and gave me a lot of invaluable advice and suggestions and support! She's the best!_

* * *

><p><strong>Extreme Couponing<strong>

She waited as patiently as possible in the clearing, trying to ignore the ominous churning in the pit of her stomach. She had no idea why he had asked her to meet him here.

_The clearing with the big rock. You know the one, right?_

It was the same clearing where she perched on his lap and planted kisses all over his face in an attempt to get Duke Williams to leave her alone. He had even helped once or twice. She felt it.

It was the same clearing where she ambushed the poor man when she thought she was Ginger. Forced him to rehearse a love scene with her and then scared him away. But he came back and they had stayed out there until dinnertime.

They thought she didn't remember what happened, but she did. Most of them didn't even know what happened. Every time she walked through the clearing her stomach writhed around inside her body and she quickened her pace and she blushed to the roots of her hair.

She stood as calmly as possible in the clearing next to the big rock staring at the outdoor hammock strung up between two trees. The hammock traveled around the island a lot, settling wherever Gilligan wanted to watch the stars or the Skipper wanted to take an afternoon siesta, but Mary Ann was not expecting to find it here.

Earlier that day, Gilligan had appeared as if from thin air and hopped up onto the table as Mary Ann tried to set it for lunch, pushing away plates and knocking over cups with his rear end. "What are you doing this afternoon?" he asked enigmatically, but she knew what was coming.

Mary Ann played dumb. "Nothing." She moved down the table with a stack of plates and he stood up, walking along the bench like a balance beam as he followed her.

"Not anymore." Gilligan leaned over and a rectangle of paper dropped into Mary Ann's line of vision from above.

Mary Ann smirked and put down the plates, taking the coupon from him. "_An Activity of My Choice_, huh?" She peered up at him.

"No, _my_ choice." He grinned.

"You didn't fill in what it is." Mary Ann showed him the paper. The blank line along the bottom stared back at him like a disapproving scowl.

Gilligan pouted. "I haven't decided yet. Or maybe it's a surprise." Gilligan stepped off the bench and tripped, nearly falling on his head. "I haven't decided that either." He straightened his hat and shoved his hand into his back pocket. "You gotta sign it."

Mary Ann sighed and took the pen from him. "Oh, alright. But if I ever do this again, there'll be even more rules." Mary Ann signed and dated the little coupon and handed the pen back to him.

"Thank you, ma'am. Your cooperation is most appreciated." Gilligan mimed putting the pen into the breast pocket of a crisp businesslike oxford shirt. It slipped along his shirt and fell to the ground as he turned on his heel and strode away. Mary Ann rolled her eyes and bent to retrieve it as his voice floated back to her across the clearing. "Three o'clock. The clearing with the big rock. You know the one, right?"

Mary Ann sighed. Stupid homemade coupon book. She thought it would be a novel idea. Something new and interesting and, dare she think, _adorable_ to do for a gift. Gilligan would be hard enough to shop for if they had real stores to go to even though he would be happy with almost anything.

She should have known he would take it way too seriously.

Over the years, the castaways had begun to run out of things to make for each other for holidays and birthdays. Mr. Howell always gave cash. The Professor was usually able to make something for them that they had previously thought impossible on the island. No one wanted to pass out their gifts after him and they had begun forcing him to go last. Mary Ann was getting tired of baking things for people or making a new shirt or skirt out of any rogue fabric that washed up in the lagoon.

So she made Gilligan a coupon book. She had seen them in stores in the states – usually full of overly romantic date ideas for couples for Valentine's Day or fun adventures for friends to pass an idle afternoon. There were also books of less tasteful coupons for men to haughtily present to their wives or girlfriends that had made Mary Ann gasp out loud in the middle of the store.

She left it by Gilligan's breakfast plate on Valentine's Day. Everyone else got a gift as well, but Ginger ignored this fact and teased Mary Ann mercilessly, following her around the table as she deposited heart shaped pancakes on everyone's plate.

Gilligan's eyes grew wide as he looked through the book. "Oh, boy, Skipper, look! It's like I get twelve different presents! It's like Hannukah, only longer!" Gilligan held the book up in front of the Skipper's face and flipped through the pages until the captain managed to shove him away and smack him with his cap.

He read each coupon aloud, much to Mary Ann's horror, even though none of them were particularly damning when read with the right intentions. Most had to do with baked goods or butterfly hunts or swims in the lagoon, activities they normally enjoyed anyway, but were made a little more unique and special with the coupon and the appointment and the formality of it all.

Gilligan became more and more excited with each page he turned. "My own personal coconut crème pie! _Any Meal I Want_. Maybe I'll have a coconut crème pie with pancakes on top!" Mr. Howell coughed once and buried his face in his bamboo tumbler. Gilligan grinned across the table at Mary Ann and nodded enthusiastically as if to inform her that this would definitely be happening and then to reassure her that this wasn't strange at all. "_An Activity Of My Choice_. What does that mean?"

"It means she'll do anything you want," Ginger cooed, tickling his ribs with her nails. Mary Ann tried to subtly kick the movie star under the table, but missed her mark and the Professor winced in pain.

Gilligan stared at Ginger, guileless eyes wide. "Even play Cannibals?"

The Skipper turned red and fumbled with his cap. Ginger smiled at Mary Ann across the table. "Uh huh."

"What about Vampires?"

Mrs. Howell clutched at her pearls and turned away politely. Mary Ann's eyes widened as her hand unconsciously went to her neck. Ginger grinned at Gilligan and tweaked his nose. "Anything."

"Oh, boy!" Gilligan buried his nose in the book again. He turned the page and gasped. "_Pie Plate Licking Privileges_! She never lets me lick the plate, Skipper!" The sailor turned to the captain, the delight in his eyes obvious. "I ask all the time and she always says no." Mr. Howell sputtered into his cup, its contents spilling over the edge and onto his silk cravat.

That very night at dinner, Gilligan sauntered up to the table, his hat tilted at a jaunty angle. He bowed low to Mary Ann and presented her with a rectangle of paper laid out on his palm. "I'd like to redeem this coupon, please."

_An Extra Slice of Coconut Crème Pie_

"Absolutely."

Mary Ann pulled the last slice of pie out from under the Skipper's fork and slid it across the table to Gilligan. The Skipper's fork slammed into the woven tabletop and he looked up in surprise. "Gilligan!" he roared, but the first mate had already tucked in, his head bent low over his plate.

Gilligan mumbled something around a mouthful of crust and waved his coupon in the air.

The next day Gilligan declared that it was Double Coupon Day on account of Tuesdays always being Double Coupon Day at the Shop Rite in his hometown in Pennsylvania. Since Mary Ann's coupons failed to stipulate otherwise, she had to go along with him. Plus, he was so excited that she couldn't say no. Mary Ann spent the rest of the day doing everything twice, the novelty of which wore off really quickly.

On Wednesday Gilligan pulled another coupon con. He was too smart for this. If Mary Ann wasn't careful he'd have her at his beck and call for the rest of the year. Not that she minded completely, but he was starting to tire her out. He ran up to her beside the laundry tub, giddy with excitement and bursting with energy. He handed her a small rectangle of paper and said, simply, "Cannibals."

Mary Ann eyed him warily and then looked down at the coupon. "This says _I Challenge You To A Ping Pong Match_."

"Yeah, but I broke the ping pong table last week, remember?"

He did. He finally won his first match and was so excited that he climbed up on the table and did his victory dance until it collapsed under him. Mary Ann must have made that coupon before the disaster and forgotten to change it. Gilligan was grinning, bouncing in place like one of those pretentious joggers waiting to cross the street, not wanting to stop running for fear of it making them look lazy.

"So I get to pick something else. Cannibals," he repeated.

"Gilligan, I'm in the middle of the laundry." She sighed like an exasperated mother. "Why don't you –."

Gilligan grunted and Mary Ann's eyes widened. She froze, a handful of dripping laundry clenched in her fist.

"Oola boola," he said, his narrowed eyes betrayed by the grin on his face. He saw Mary Ann subtly step out of her shoes and he knew she was going to play along. "Boola!" he yelled and Mary Ann shrieked, dropping the laundry onto the sand and turning to bolt into the jungle.

Gilligan followed, but his feet tangled in the pile of wet clothes and he fell forward into the laundry tub, knocking it over and sending a torrent of water out over the sand. He scrambled to his feet and took off after her, kicking up clumps of wet sand in his wake.

Gilligan loved playing Cannibals. It reminded him of Cops and Robbers, but he was always the bad guy and he always won. He thought it was hilarious that the girls hated it, especially Ginger, who never got very far in her high heels before Gilligan caught her and put her in cannibal jail, which was just a square drawn in the sand with a stick. He informed her to "stay put," but she never listened and she was always gone when he got back, but he knew he had annoyed her and that was all that mattered. Mary Ann complained less about it and they eventually ended up breathless and laughing in some remote part of the island. He'd make a few jokes about how she'd taste good in his soup and she'd laugh awkwardly and eventually they'd wander back to camp where the Skipper was waiting with raised eyebrows and a salty sailor's comment to the Professor.

Mary Ann ran through the jungle, arms pumping, leaping over fallen logs. Her bare feet hurt already, but there was no way she'd outrun him in her kitten heels. She could barely outrun him in sneakers. He always caught up with her eventually, his long legs pulling him across the ground with ease. They usually ended up out of breath about the same time, staggering to a halt and laughing hysterically. Sometimes she tired first and he'd keep up the game until he'd caught her properly. Sometimes if there was a vine handy he'd tie her to a tree and do his Dance of Death, which was the funniest thing Mary Ann had ever seen in her life and she'd laugh so hard she'd fall to the ground if the vines weren't there to hold her up.

Mary Ann glanced over her shoulder and saw the red blur gaining on her. It always sent a jolt of electricity through her to see him perusing her. Maybe she'd let him catch her this time. It was Christmas, after all. But then again, he _always_ caught her.

Mary Ann decided to make this a good game and abruptly turned left at a big pineapple bush. Heading off the main trail would be sure to throw him off. But Gilligan was right in front of her when she rounded the plant and she yelped, crying out in surprise as she crashed into him. In the next instant, Mary Ann's back was up against the nearest tree and Gilligan's hands were on her shoulders, holding her there.

"I won!" he declared. He didn't even look out of breath. He had even stopped to smear some mud on his face like war paint.

"You always win," she panted.

Gilligan grinned. "I know."

"Now what?"

"Now I have to menace you."

Mary Ann planted her hands on her hips. "Oh, really?"

"Yeah. 'Cause I'm a cannibal."

"I'm not afraid of you. Menace me all you want."

"You're not?

"Nope."

"Not even when I try to eat you?" Mary Ann shook her head adamantly, pigtails whipping her in the face. Gilligan frowned. "Mary Ann, guess what?" he asked seriously.

"What?"

"It's Double Coupon Wednesday."

"I thought Tuesdays were Double Coupon Day?"

"At the Shop Rite. Wednesdays are Double Coupon Day at the Shur Save."

"Gilligan, that's not fair! I'm exhausted!"

Gilligan stepped toward her and Mary Ann felt her shoulders push back into the bark of the tree.

"Gilligan..."

He grunted like an uncivilized native and Mary Ann went quiet, her eyes widening. "Oola boola," he growled, his voice low, and Mary Ann reached behind her to grip the bark so she wouldn't melt into a pitiful puddle at the base of the tree.

Gilligan suddenly released her shoulders and stepped back. "Boola!" he yelled, raising his arms triumphantly in the air, grinning and threatening to break into his Dance of Death at any moment.

Mary Ann turned and ran before she witnessed any of his dance and was reduced to a hysterical laughing mess in the middle of the jungle. She heard him break character and laugh before he dove into the foliage behind her.

# # # #

Two days after Valentine's Day Gilligan had already redeemed half of his coupons and Mary Ann was so tired she could barely move. He was an endless font of energy and Mary Ann went on more butterfly hunts and swims in the lagoon in the past three days than she had been on in their three years on the island.

"Mary Ann, come on!" he whined. Gilligan was in the girls' hut, bouncing from foot to foot, raring to go, his coupon book clutched in one hand.

"Gilligan, I'm tired," she whined back. "I just want to take a nap." Mary Ann pulled her pillow over her face and tried to ignore him, but the collection of junk in his pocket was jingling and rattling with every bounce. He sounded like an eight year old Christmas elf that had eaten too much sugar and Mary Ann groaned. "If you keep up this pace you'll be out of luck for the rest of the year."

This stopped him. "What do you mean? There's no expiration dates on these." Gilligan paged through the book thoughtfully.

"But you can only use a coupon once."

Gilligan's head snapped up. "You never said that."

"That's how coupons work."

Gilligan squared his shoulders. "Not at the Shop Rite. My grandmother always stole her coupons back and used them over and over. She had a whole cabinet full of green beans that she got for ten cents off."

Mary Ann lifted the pillow off of one eye and peered at him. He looked deadly serious. Mary Ann hauled herself to her feet and grabbed the coupon book from him. She took it over to the girls' vanity table and began adding fine print on the back of every coupon as well as a place for her to sign and date them on the front so he wouldn't be able to trick her into doing the same one more than once.

When she returned the book to him, Gilligan peered closely at the tiny writing. "'Some restrictions apply. Coupon does not expire, but cannot be reused. Cannot be combined with any other offer. Cannot be redeemed between the hours of nine pm and nine am.'" Gilligan looked up. "What if _An Activity Of Your Choice_ – or ... my choice, is ... " He trailed off and looked confused.

This could cause some communication problems. There were two such coupons in the book – _An Activity Of My Choice_ – meaning Gilligan – and _An Activity Of Your Choice_ – meaning Mary Ann whenever he gave her that coupon to use herself. That was something she had added at Ginger's urging. _You'll get him to do anything you want_, the movie star had added with a wink, but Mary Ann was hoping it would at least get him to do the laundry for her.

"What if I choose to watch the sunrise?"

Mary Ann stopped short and watched him for a moment. He meant it. "Okay, then." She turned him around and leaned the coupon book on his back so she could write something else. He giggled and squirmed under the pen until Mary Ann turned him back around. "There. '_Some_ exceptions apply.'" Mary Ann squinted at him as he took the book back, warning him that if he woke her up at three o'clock in the morning for anything less than a miracle, he would surely be denied coconut crème pie for the rest of his life.

# # # #

Mary Ann stood alone in the clearing with the big rock and the outdoor hammock and wondered what on earth Gilligan's _Activity Of My Choice_ could possibly be. She knew what Ginger would say, accompanied by a wrinkle of her nose and a flip of her flame red hair, and Mary Ann blushed furiously even though the movie star wasn't even there to say it.

Mary Ann fidgeted, kicking her toes through the grass. There was nowhere safe to sit. She couldn't sit on the big rock because the last time she sat on the big rock she thought she was Ginger and Gilligan ended up sulking back to the clearing, chastised and defeated, and putting his head in her lap. She didn't like to think about that when she was out in public and he could appear at any moment and innocently ask her what that weird look on her face was for. It had already happened to her twice and she was running out of excuses.

She also couldn't sit in the hammock. There was no graceful way for a lady to sit in a hammock. What if he showed up and she was waiting for him flat on her back? Or tangled in the swinging hemp monstrosity with her legs up in the air? Or flat on her face in the grass underneath the hammock after inevitably tipping out?

No option was safe, so she settled on standing perfectly still in the middle of the clearing.

"Hi!" Mary Ann jumped and looked up. Gilligan had entered the clearing and was grinning at her. "Are you ready?"

Mary Ann blinked. "Ready for what?"

Gilligan smiled at her like she was simple. "An activity of my choice." He turned and headed toward the hammock. Mary Ann's eyes widened as she watched him cross the clearing.

Gilligan turned around and plopped down in the middle of the hammock as gracefully as he could. It wasn't until he had sat down, the hammock sagging under his bottom, his feet planted firmly on the ground, that Mary Ann noticed he hadn't come empty handed. He grinned at her expectantly, but she didn't move. "What's that?" she asked, her anxiety beginning to melt away.

Gilligan looked down at the bag balanced on top of a stack of something else on his lap. "Candy."

"From your secret stash?" she asked.

"Who else's? Why? You got one, too?" Gilligan pulled the bag closer to his chest. He was very territorial over his candy. It had washed up in a crate one day and he was so excited about it that the others let him have it. He only shared on special occasions. Gilligan squinted at her. "Are you holding out on me, Mary Ann?"

He couldn't hold his fake glare for long and soon they were both smiling. "Never. What else do you have there?" she asked. Gilligan pulled something out of the middle of the pile and held it up for her to see. Only his eyes were visible, twinkling over the brightly colored page. "Comic books?"

"Sure." Gilligan put the bag of candy aside and tried to arrange his comics on his lap. "I'm going to read to you."

"You are?" Mary Ann asked softly, her eyes widening in surprise. Gilligan missed the brilliant smile spread across her face as his bag of candy tipped over and he rushed to collect the sweets before they fell through the holes in the woven hammock and disappeared into the grass below.

"Sure," he replied, gathering as much candy as he could into his skinny arms. It tumbled out again and he scrambled to shove it back into the bag. "You said you were tired. You don't have to move to read a comic book. And you move even less when you listen to me read a comic book." Gilligan collected as much candy as he could and then bent over to peer into the grass between his feet for any pieces that escaped. The hammock flipped up behind him and dumped him out onto the ground. He did a full somersault and landed flat on his back staring up at the sky, his candy bag still clutched in one hand and a sea of comics spread out around him like fallen flower petals. Gilligan scrambled to his feet, gathering up his comic books as quickly as possible and smiled sheepishly at her. "It's fun. You'll see."

"Don't you want to do something for you? It is your choice, after all."

Gilligan brushed off the seat of his pants and picked blades of grass out from between his comics. "I like reading them."

"You're really going to use your free choice coupon on me?"

Gilligan shrugged, busying himself with brushing the grass off of his beloved comics. "I guess," he mumbled, fumbling the books back into a relatively neat pile in the crook of his elbow.

Gilligan sat back down in the hammock slowly, legs spread for stability and arms out for balance. He exhaled with relief when he stayed upright and arranged his comics and candy neatly in his lap again. Then he looked up at Mary Ann. She hadn't moved, but was smiling tenderly at him. He flushed and glanced around, half expecting to find the cute bunny that she was really smiling at. Not seeing one, he cleared his throat and selected a particularly interesting comic from the middle of the stack. "We'll start with this one. I think you'll like it."

Gilligan opened the book to the first page, careful not to crease the thin paper. He opened his mouth to begin, his arm already out in the beginning stages of a grand gesture, when his eyes flickered up from the page and found Mary Ann still rooted to the ground in the center of the clearing. He put the comic down on top of the others and shook his head at his friend. "The pictures are the most important part of a comic book."

"Oh." Mary Ann glanced around the clearing, not sure what she was looking for. "I guess you're right."

Gilligan waited patiently as she crossed the space between them and then carefully sat down on the hammock beside him. She didn't fall over, the hammock didn't move beneath her, Ginger didn't appear from the foliage to tease her mercilessly. Nothing happened. Mary Ann relaxed and immediately slid backwards into the center of the hammock where Gilligan's weight was holding it down into a valley.

Mary Ann yelped and grabbed at the edge of the hammock beside her knees. Her feet hung suspended in the air, kicking futilely. "Gilligan!" She heard giggling and peered up at the sailor through her bangs. He was grinning at her and clamped one hand over his mouth. "It's not funny."

"Yes, it is. Usually I'm the one tangled in the hammock."

Mary Ann pouted, fruitlessly trying to pull herself back up. "It's not fair. Your legs are longer than mine."

Gilligan scooted backwards until he was next to her and the hammock evened out a bit. She was no longer in danger of falling over and landing flat on her back behind him, but she was still lighter than him and was still sliding down toward the center of the hammock, still awkwardly smashed up against his right side. "Better?"

"I guess."

Gilligan's feet were planted firmly on the ground, but Mary Ann's still hung in the air. She felt like a turtle on its back in the middle of the street, trapped, limbs flailing in vain. Mary Ann yanked on her shorts, which were riding up uncomfortably, and kicked off her shoes so she could tuck her legs underneath her in the hammock. Gilligan walked backwards, pushing the hammock back until it was like a chair and he could lean back against the woven ropes and still remain partially upright. Mary Ann held on tight, fingers weaving between the ropes, until she was forced to lean back as well, lest she tumble out and land on her head. Gilligan arranged his comics in his lap again and handed the bag of candy to Mary Ann.

"We'll start with _The Incredible Wally Gulliver_ Number One. I have two of these. The other one's at home in a special place." Gilligan pouted. "At least ... I hope it still is. It'll be worth money some day. Gulliver's kind of funny. He's an international spy who's undercover as a travel agent, but he's really bad at his job. The travel agent job. He's a pretty okay spy." Mary Ann laughed and he grinned again. "I think you'll like this one. Gulliver's best friend Maria kinda reminds me of you. She wasn't in the original first issue, though. There was a lady at the comic book company and she thought it needed a girl character so girls would read it."

Mary Ann watched Gilligan study the brightly colored cover of the comic with something akin to great reverence and respect and then carefully open to the first page. "You know a lot about this," she said.

He shrugged. "I know some stuff."

"Why does she remind you of me?"

"She sighs at Gulliver a lot."

Mary Ann sighed gustily. "Gilligan."

"Yeah, like that!"

Mary Ann frowned up at him, but Gilligan was grinning. "Never mind, Gilligan. Just read."

He settled into the hammock and opened the comic. Mary Ann craned her neck to see the pictures, careful not to scoot too close to him. But as they got halfway through the issue she soon forgot herself. She was so caught up in the story and Gilligan's skillful performance of each character that she quickly found herself next to him cradling the bag of candy, wide-eyed and clutching a red licorice whip in her fist as Gulliver faced off with his arch nemesis for the first time.

"_You'll never get the best of me!_" Gilligan read, his voice smooth and confident as the international agent.

"_Perhaps not, Gulliver,_" he continued, dropping his voice several octaves and growling roughly as the villain spoke, "_But I can't say the same for your pretty little friend here._"

"_Gulliver, help me!_"

Gilligan's head snapped from the panel depicting Maria's first appearance – trapped in the slick super villain's strong arms, her exaggerated giant eyes staring out in fear from behind her glasses – to stare at Mary Ann. She was grinning at him, holding the long string of licorice in the corner of her mouth.

"Keep going, Gilligan."

Gilligan turned back to the book, looking shocked and a little bit proud. "_Where did you find her? She was safe working as my secretary at my super secret cover travel agency!_"

Gilligan narrowed his eyes as he turned the page. He was so familiar with the comic that he knew the super villain was going to speak next before he even looked. "_You never could keep a secret, Gulliver,_" he growled. "_Two of my boys paid her a little visit at the office this morning._"

"_They said they wanted to go to Cincinnati,_" Mary Ann read, sounding even more wide-eyed and innocent than usual. "_Which I thought was a little odd since we're in Cleveland._"

Gilligan squared his jaw. "_Let her go!_" he shouted and Mary Ann bit her lip in anticipation. "_You really want me, not her._"

"_Gulliver, no!_"

The next few panels were devoid of text as Gulliver rushed the villain. Maria's eyes grew even wider. The villain laughed. Gulliver tripped and slid into a stack of crates towering above them in the old abandoned warehouse where all the showdowns took place. The villain laughed harder. Maria reached out for Gulliver in vain. The crate tower began swaying. The villain looked up and let go of Maria to save his own diabolical hide. The tower shattered and rained down on him just as Gulliver staggered to his feet and pulled Maria to safety.

Gilligan turned to the final page, which consisted of one giant panel. Gulliver stood in the center of the warehouse, grinning smugly, arms crossed over his chest. Maria stood beside him, her hands clasped before her, staring up at him adoringly. She looked exaggeratedly curvaceous in her demure, professional secretary's dress. A single word bubble floated above her head.

Mary Ann laughed when she saw it. "_Oh, Gulliver!_" she sighed, peeking at Gilligan from the corner of her eye. "_You're wonderful._"

A few hours later they were well into the adventures of Wally Gulliver. Gulliver had accidentally saved Maria's life four times and she had outwitted the villain of the week equally as often. But when they were at the travel agency she sighed at him a lot and he never quite knew where the places that the old lady customers wanted to visit were located.

At the end of every issue, Gilligan would drop the finished comic onto the grass and open the next without missing a beat. Gilligan's sneaker kicked through the tall blades of grass, occasionally pushing off the ground to keep the hammock swinging gently. Gilligan held the comics up in the air as he read and Mary Ann curled up beside him so she could see the pictures, the bag of candy between them. She learned to sense when he wanted more candy and she began handing him a licorice whip or a piece of chocolate without him even having to ask. He kept reading with his mouth full and Mary Ann would have had to ask him to repeat himself if she wasn't able to see the words for herself.

"_Sayonara, suckers!_" Gulliver yelled from the center of a tiny lifeboat. He grinned and waved, Maria peeking out from behind his shoulder at the super villain, who was stomping his feet and waving his fists at his minions back on his million dollar yacht. They were trapped out at sea, the yacht's engine accidentally disabled when Gulliver knocked one of the minion's guns from his hand as they fought in the bowels of the ship and it wedged itself in some terribly important piece of machinery.

Mary Ann laughed. "_Oh, Gulliver!_" she read, "_You were wonderful._" In the bottom right corner of the comic book, Gulliver grinned smugly.

Gilligan turned the page. Time had passed and Gulliver and Maria were sitting glumly in the lifeboat in the middle of nowhere. Just water, as far as the eye could see. Or at least as far as the edges of the comic book page.

Gulliver was pouting spectacularly. "_I can't believe I broke the motor. I'm sorry, Maria._"

By the next panel, Maria had laid her head on his shoulder. "_It's okay, Gulliver,_" Mary Ann read, laying her head on Gilligan's shoulder. "_It's kind of nice out here._"

"_I guess. You know, after being shot at and everything._" Gilligan swallowed hard. "_I'm glad you weren't, like, captured or anything._"

An island appeared in the distance in the next panel. "_Gulliver, look! An island! How romantic._"

"_Erm. Yeah. We'll drift over to it in about an hour,_" he added, looking at the circle of land in the distance.

"_You're very brave, Gulliver. You always take good care of me._" Mary Ann's eyes moved faster than she read and she paused when she caught sight of what Maria said next. "_That's why I love you,_" she whispered.

Gilligan froze. He had forgotten about this part. He never read this far again after the first time. He always stopped after Gulliver disabled the villain's ship and saved the day. This part made him uncomfortable, even when he was alone. He could feel Mary Ann watching him, waiting for him to read the next line. Gilligan steeled himself. Play it cool. Be casual.

"_I love you, too,_" he blurted. Gilligan slammed the comic book shut and tried to get up. "Okay, that's it for Gulliver! I know what we should read next. It's about ninja penguins and there are no girls in it at all!"

"Gilligan, wait!" Mary Ann grabbed his hand, fumbling for the comic book, and he fell back beside her in the hammock. "There's one page left!"

"No, there's not," he insisted, trying to reach for the stack of unread comics again.

"Yes, there is!" Mary Ann pulled on his arm. He gripped the offending comic in the hand furthest away from her, holding his long arm up and away from her. Mary Ann laughed. "Gilligan! I want to finish the story!"

"It's over!"

"No, it's not!" Mary Ann tugged on his sleeve, but his arm didn't move with it. She reached across him, crushing the bag of candy between them. "Don't you want to find out what happens to them?"

"I already know what happens!"

"A-ha!" Mary Ann grinned triumphantly. "So there is more!"

"Nuh uh!" Gilligan held his left arm away from her, stretching it as far as he could. He was laughing now despite himself as he watched her short frame struggle to reach the book. Her toes tangled in the hammock and she scowled, grunted, and muttered things under her breath as he laughed. She made a mad swipe for the book, missed, and landed hard on his chest, elbowing him in the gut.

Mary Ann flattened her palms across his chest and pushed herself back up. She pulled her hair out of her eyes and scooted closer to the book, still held aloft at the end of his impossibly long outstretched arm. "Let me see the book, Gilligan!"

"No!"

The hammock rocked dangerously and Mary Ann froze, gripping the woven hemp on one side of his body, her knees digging into the hammock on the other. After a moment she continued slowly, trying not to disrupt the hammock too much, an impossible task with Gilligan being his usual stubborn self beneath her. Mary Ann stretched out her arm, the tips of her fingers reaching only as far as his palm, just an inch shy of being able to grab the comic.

"Gilligan! I want to see how it ends!"

"No, you don't. It's, uh ... it's ..." Gilligan trailed off. He blinked. He was staring straight ahead at the tan skin of Mary Ann's midriff, not six inches from his face. He tried to look away, but nowhere was safe. To the right, shorts. To the left, a tiny red top, expanding and contracting before his very eyes as she breathed with exertion. "It's ... it's a really bad ending. They fall out of the boat ..." Mary Ann's leg touched his arm and he jerked it out of the way, flinging it up over his head. "and – and they get eaten by sharks. The end!" he yelled.

Mary Ann turned to look down at him incredulously. She gave him a bemused smile, one eyebrow arched disbelievingly. He stared back at her, wide-eyed. "Gilligan, that's ridiculous." In his distraction, Gilligan's arm relaxed and Mary Ann grabbed the comic. "Got it!" Mary Ann waved the book over her head victoriously as she backed off of him.

Mary Ann plopped down beside him again. Gilligan laid absolutely still, his shirt wrinkled and pulled across his chest. Mary Ann eagerly opened to the last page of the comic book. Gilligan pulled the rest of his comics into his lap and looked away, focusing on rescuing as much of the squished candy as possible as her eyes swept over the image taking up half the page. Then Mary Ann squealed, loud and high pitched like a baby piglet and Gilligan winced, screwing his eyes closed. "Gilligan!"

Mary Ann sank into a reverent silence as she gazed longingly at the page where Gulliver and Maria were sharing a kiss. Even in cartoon form, it was sweet and tender. Maria had her fingers wrapped around Gulliver's necktie and his hand was lost in her thick dark hair, cradling her head. The island from the previous page was just out of sight and Gulliver and Maria looked like the only two people in the world, alone in their lifeboat in the middle of the endless glistening blue ocean.

Mary Ann sighed wistfully. "It's so romantic." Gilligan squirmed uncomfortably, arranging his face into an impressive scowl. Mary Ann clutched the comic to her chest and turned big bright eyes on Gilligan. "What happens next?"

He shrugged. "I don't know."

Gilligan didn't move and Mary Ann stared unashamedly at the pile of comics in his lap. "Get the next issue out!"

"That's it."

"What do you mean, 'That's it'?"

"This is the last issue that they made before our shipwreck."

"Well, that's a coincidence."

"No, it's not! We didn't get in a lifeboat to escape a super villain and then drift over to an island 'cause of a broken motor!"

Mary Ann fixed him with a pointed look. "Well, it's close enough." She held the comic at arm's length and studied the cover, which featured a drawing of Gulliver and Maria freshly washed ashore on an island. Mary Ann pulled the comic back into her arms and turned to curl up beside him again, laying her head back on his shoulder. "What do you think happens to them?"

Gilligan shrugged. "I don't know."

"Think about it for a second."

Gilligan sighed and wrinkled his brow studiously, humoring her. "They get eaten by cannibals?"

"Gilligan!"

"I don't know, Mary Ann!"

"I want them to get married and have lots of babies."

Gilligan groaned. "That's not what comics are about! There have to have adventures and bad guys and fights. They gotta get rescued. Gulliver's got a whole world full of people to save."

Mary Ann pouted. She tilted her head and peered up at Gilligan. "What if he just saves Maria for a while?" she asked quietly. "Cannibals and evil native chiefs and giant spiders are villains too."

"Mary Ann, you don't get it. _The Incredible Wally Gulliver_ was about international spies and super villains and abandoned warehouses full of crates filled with illegal stuff. The lady at the comic book company made it all gross by putting a girl in it."

Mary Ann looked away from him, casting her eyes downward. "But you said Maria reminds you of me."

"She does."

"But you just said you wished she wasn't in it."

"No, I didn't!" Gilligan squeaked. He was sure he hadn't.

"I thought you liked this comic and that's why you shared it with me?" Mary Ann asked a little indignantly. Then she smiled. "I love it. There must be some reason you collected them all." Mary Ann studied Gilligan's pout carefully. He looked conflicted. "Why do you like Gulliver?"

"'Cause he's just kinda like a regular guy. But he's a hero, too. And he doesn't win all the time and he doesn't always know what he's doing. But Maria's his friend anyway."

"She loves him."

"Yeah. Well." Gilligan cleared his throat and accidentally launched himself into a coughing fit. "Gulliver's just a good guy."

"He kinda reminds me of you."

Mary Ann thought she saw Gilligan's ears turn faintly red, but he just nodded thoughtfully. "You're right. I would be a lousy travel agent."

Mary Ann thought about all the potential things Gulliver and Maria would do on their island. All the potential magic. All the potential storylines. Mary Ann would read that comic book religiously.

They would go swimming and exploring and flying on vines over beautiful ravines. They would go butterfly hunting and bowling and turtle racing. They would raise a pack of wild children and wear leaves in their hair and escape from the dangerous world of humanity and spies and war.

Mary Ann tucked her feet up underneath her again. Her knees rested against Gilligan's leg, the forces of gravity working against them – or for them – depositing them both in the center of the hammock. Gilligan was busy digging through the candy bag, assessing each piece for damages, eating far more than he was putting back in the bag. His shoulder wasn't as bony as it looked and was comfortable against Mary Ann's temple.

Gulliver and Maria would sit like this, she decided. Although Gulliver preferably wouldn't be stuffing his face with chocolate.

"So we'll never get to know what happens to them?" Mary Ann asked sadly.

"When we get rescued I'll take you to see Walter at the comic shop," Gilligan said, holding a dented malt ball up to the light. "He can help us find the back issues if you want."

Mary Ann's eyes lit up. "Can we?"

"Sure. As long as there's no more kissing in them." Gilligan stuck his tongue out and Mary Ann laughed.

"Thank you, Gilligan. You're wonderful." She stretched up and kissed him on the cheek and he gave her an exaggerated scowl.

Gilligan dropped the malt ball back into the bag and peered inside. "It'd probably be more fun to come up with stories ourselves, though."

"So tell me a story about them, Gilligan." Mary Ann reached up and took the candy bag from his hands, placing it out of the way behind her.

"Right now?"

"Sure. You're good at telling stories." Mary Ann put the comic book behind her with the candy and made herself comfortable. She linked her arm through Gilligan's, pulling it toward her. Mary Ann glanced around the clearing as he thought. It no longer gave her a stomachache and it quickened her heartbeat in a good way. No longer were her memories of this place embarrassing and awkward, but they took on a new light – adventures and stories to one day tell to her pack of wild children, wherever they ran. She wouldn't avoid this place anymore. She would wander through it and smile and think of a goofy travel agent and his best friend.

Next to her, Gilligan was ready with a story. "Okay. So the first panel is Gulliver and Maria ... with butterfly nets," he added and Mary Ann smiled. "They're standing in the middle of a beautiful clearing. Kinda like this one, I guess. And Gulliver says, _'When we get rescued we should start selling vacations to this place. The old ladies would love it.'_"

"And then," Mary Ann chimed in, "Maria says, _'No, Gulliver. This is our place.'_" Mary Ann squeezed his arm slightly and then smiled mischievously. "I still want them to get married and have lots of babies."

"Mary Ann!" Gilligan yelled and began squirming again.

"What if they're spy babies?" she asked before he could pull himself out of the hammock and he paused, intrigued.

"With little tiny black suits?" he asked tentatively, settling down again.

Mary Ann smirked at him. "And little tiny sunglasses."

"And little tiny secret communication devices hidden in their rattles?" Gilligan was grinning now.

"And little tiny tape recorders inside their teddy bears."

She had him laughing again and Mary Ann exhaled, relieved that he wasn't going to jump up and run away, leaving her stuck in the center of the sagging hammock with a bag full of crushed candy. Gilligan dug his hand into his pocket and pulled out a bent rectangle of paper. He smoothed it out across his leg and handed it to Mary Ann. "Here."

_An Activity Of Your Choice._

"You can't use it on laundry," he added.

Mary Ann peered up at him. "It doesn't say that here. But don't worry, I'll think of something better."

"You have to use it now."

"No, I don't."

"Yes, you do. I gave it to you so you have to use it."

"I made the coupons, so I should know the rules, right?"

Gilligan squinted at her. "Okay, then give it back. I'll choose another moment to give it to you."

Mary Ann held the coupon up in the hand furthest from him. "Come and get it." She waved the coupon in the air.

Gilligan glared at her before making a grab for the paper. Mary Ann pulled her hand out of the way at the last second, but she knew it was only a matter of time before his long arms would win. As Gilligan reached up with his left hand, the pile of comics slipped from his lap, sliding into the space between them and gliding over Mary Ann's stomach. All Mary Ann could see in front of her was an endless sea of red cotton. He reached for the coupon again, Mary Ann's left arm and issue number 5 of _Ninja Penguins_ squished beneath him.

Mary Ann quickly slid the coupon into the back pocket of her shorts and Gilligan froze. Mary Ann turned a challenging eye on him.

The sailor huffed in defeat and backed up. "Fine. Keep it. But I'm not the one breaking the rules this time."

"I'll use it soon. I promise."

Gilligan began collecting the comics. He waited for Mary Ann to gather up the ones still splayed across her body herself and hand them back to him. "Do you want to read another comic? _Ninja Penguins_?" He held it up and grinned. Four little penguins in masks posed on the cover. One had a pair of nunchucks. Mary Ann laughed at the serious sneers on their little beaks.

"Save them for next time."

Gilligan's eyes grew wide. "Next time?" he squeaked.

"Sure. This was fun." Mary Ann curled up in the hammock, making herself comfortable. "Tell me more about the spy babies," she murmured, closing her eyes. She began feeling her fatigue catch up with her again.

Gilligan put down the comic book and folded his hands thoughtfully over his stomach. "Well. The playpen is headquarters, see? And they've got lasers hidden in their crayons. And if you hold their books upside down – since babies do that all the time – the letters change into secret codes..."

# # # #

Three days later, Mary Ann strode up to Gilligan as he sat at the communal table having a snack. He froze, a half eaten banana hovering halfway to his mouth. She looked different. She had on a dress she didn't normally wear. Her hair was down around her shoulders and she carried a stack of books in one arm. She wore the fake glasses that Ginger liked to sport when she played psychiatrist and looked very professional. When she got to the table, she tossed a dark blazer that had been slung over her shoulder at him. It landed over Gilligan's head and he hastily pulled it into a crumpled ball in his lap, losing his hat in the mass of dark fabric and his banana in the sand by his feet. He stared at her, his hair sticking up with static cling from the coat. Mary Ann dropped the stack of books on the table – the complete series (or, as many as Gilligan had) of _The Incredible Wally Gulliver_ – and slapped her coupon down on the table in front of him.

"Go get dressed, Gulliver."

Over the next few days, Gilligan and Mary Ann recreated all of Gulliver and Maria's exploits, reciting the lines from the comic books, enlisting the help of the others when they could, and laughing about it the whole time. Gilligan would dash around the island in one of Mr. Howell's old black blazers, the Skipper's ancient skinny necktie pulled from the depths of his sea chest, and sunglasses, skidding to a halt wherever danger lurked, squinting behind his dark lenses and almost always saving the day. The clearing was the travel agency and Mrs. Howell usually one of their unsuspecting clients. She had a habit of wandering into the conversation with no idea of what she was talking about until they had somehow convinced her that Ghana was lovely that time of year. Then she'd swan off to her hut and demand that her husband take her on vacation.

But when danger called, Gulliver was up in a flash, procuring his secret spy gear from its hiding place and disappearing into the jungle after it. Ginger had agreed to play evil female super villain Madame Jezebel von Rumpelstein after they convinced her that it would be a good opportunity to practice her craft. She sneered and mocked and taunted Gulliver and Maria until they were all hysterical and she was defeated because she was too slow to catch them in her high heels.

Gilligan was checking the lobster traps one morning when a shout rang out. "Gulliver!" Gilligan's ears perked up. "Help me!" the voice called in the distance. Gilligan sprang into action, crashing through the jungle toward the source of the commotion. He pulled his sunglasses from his back pocket and slipped them on as he ran, grabbing his blazer from the nearby rock where he had laid it. He made his costume change en route, even quicker than Superman in the phone booth.

In the center of camp, Mary Ann had appeared from behind the Skipper as he sat at the table and thrown her arms around his neck. His fork clattered onto his plate and his cap slid from his head as she nearly choked him. "Gulliver, he's got me!"

"Mary Ann!" the Skipper blustered.

"_Gulliver!_"

Gilligan rushed into the clearing and deftly leapt over Mr. and Mrs. Howell's occupied lounge chairs. Mrs. Howell watched him go through her lorgnette. "Darling, look! I do believe he's going to save her!" Mr. Howell muttered something unintelligible, not bothering to look up from his paper.

"Where did you find her?" Gilligan demanded, reciting word for word from the comic. "She was safe working as my secretary at my super secret cover travel agency!"

The Skipper was turning red with anger, his lunch scattered across the table. "Gilligan!"

Gilligan's arms relaxed and he exhaled. "No, Skipper. Your line is, 'You never could keep a secret, Gulliver.'" Gilligan pulled the rolled up comic from inside his blazer and inched toward the Skipper, opening to the page and pointing at the correct panel.

The Skipper made a grab for the book and Gilligan jumped back. "Will you two knock this off?"

"Gulliver, save me!" Mary Ann wailed from behind the captain and he winced.

"Skipper, you're supposed to say, 'Two of my boys paid her a little visit at the office this morning.'"

"They said they wanted to go to Cincinnati!" Mary Ann recited perfectly. "Which I thought was a little odd since we're in Cleveland."

Gilligan squared his jaw. "Let her go!" he shouted and Mary Ann gasped, unconsciously tightening her arms around the Skipper's neck. "You really want me, not her."

"Gulliver!

"GILLIGAN!"

In a flash, Gilligan was beside them. He swatted the Skipper on the head with the rolled up comic book and grabbed Mary Ann's hand. Mrs. Howell applauded daintily as they ran past her.

# # # #

"Sayonara, suckers!" Gilligan yelled from the raft. On the beach, the Skipper and the Professor grew smaller in the distance. The Skipper's ranting faded into an unintelligible din. The Professor was merely shaking his head and Gilligan was positive that the scientist was trying not to smile.

The Skipper stomped his feet and waved his fists and Gilligan turned to grin at Mary Ann. "He looks just like the bad guy in the comic on his broken boat."

Mary Ann laughed. "Oh, Gulliver. You were wonderful."

Gilligan grinned smugly and she rolled her eyes. Gilligan rowed the raft out into the lagoon until they disappeared around the bend in the shoreline and the two men on the beach disappeared. Mary Ann turned and looked out over the open water. The ocean was calm that day, crystal blue as far as she could see.

Gilligan turned around beside her. It was terrifying to feel like he was this far out to sea with only a flimsy raft, some fresh water, and a comic book. "I can't believe I broke the motor," he said at last. "I'm sorry, Maria."

"It's okay, Gulliver." Mary Ann peered down at the comic book lying open on the raft for reference and laid her head on Gilligan's shoulder. "It's kind of nice out here."

"I guess. You know, after being shot at and everything. I'm glad you weren't, like, captured or anything."

After a moment, the raft drifted around and Mary Ann caught sight of a palm tree. "Gulliver, look! An island!" she recited. "How romantic."

"Oh. Yeah. We'll drift over to it in about an hour." Gilligan shrugged, not the least bit like Gulliver in the comic book.

"You're very brave, Gulliver. You always take good care of me." Mary Ann pat his arm and then slipped her hand around his elbow. "That's why I love you," she sighed.

Gilligan was quiet for a long time. In the comic book, Gulliver had removed his sunglasses and spoke his next line looking directly into Maria's eyes, the sincerity in his own eyes apparent even in the drawing. Mary Ann would be lucky if Gilligan said his line without jumping off the raft. "I love you, too," he muttered, barely coherently, eyes fixed on the bamboo poles lashed together under his feet.

Mary Ann lifted her head from his shoulder and he peered at her from the corner of his eye. Mary Ann reached out and gently removed his sunglasses. He squinted against the sunlight until his eyes adjusted as she folded up the glasses and slipped them into the inside pocket of his blazer.

Mary Ann's hands found his necktie and she tugged on it gently until he turned to face her and their foreheads touched. "Happy Valentine's Day, Gulliver," she whispered.

"That – that's not your line," Gilligan squeaked out.

Mary Ann didn't reply, but continued to watch him closely. His eyes flickered away from hers, glancing down at the comic book lying open on the raft to see if the last page had magically changed. When Gilligan looked back, her eyes were closed and he swallowed hard.

Gilligan glanced down at the picture again. Mary Ann was holding onto his tie just like Maria. He turned his attention to what Gulliver was doing. Gilligan copied the drawing, resting one clammy palm on her waist and raising the other to her thick dark hair.

Mary Ann sighed and tightened her grip on his tie as she felt his hand in her hair. It was shaking a little and she felt his fingertips on the nape of her neck, cradling her head, tilting it toward him, right before she felt his lips on hers.

And for the next few moments, she forgot that they were supposed to be Gulliver and Maria, travel agent turned international spy and his best friend the secretary, and thought about them as Gilligan and Mary Ann, Navy sailor turned first mate and his best friend the farmer's daughter.

Shipwrecked, the only two people in the world, alone on their raft in the middle of the endless glistening blue ocean.


End file.
